OMG! it's been months since i posted here...haha! can't believe it's been THAT long. tsk! tsk! so, wut have i missed since my last post? Not much i guess...except for marlo's blog entries...hey, marlo! u have me hooked on ur posts again...ü See, u've not only managed to catch my attention with Simon Ng's blog entry (remember, the one who's murdered by his sister's ex-bf?), u've led me to do a bit of research on him. hah! i just found his story interesting...couldn't help feeling sad tho...
nweiz, so how was i? hmmm...survived the first sem, thank goodness! that was quite difficult, u know. Having been bombarded with long chapters to read over the weekends (weekend= SUNDAY) and managing to do a couple of return demonstrations in the skills lab and others in the wards and OR's...
Gosh! i can't believe i survived my OR duty...ugh! just the smell of the place brings back this tensed feeling...i hate that...well, not really hate..dislike, i suppose...i don't mind the adrenaline and all, but too much is more than i could handle... and i'm still not done with it! i still have to assist in 3 minor operations before i'm cleared. ugh! and i still have to go back next week to have my forms signed by the scrub nurses...so much for enjoying this so-called sembreak!
Got a problem with my DR duty, too...i still don't have any actual deliveries...just did a couple of assists and one initial care! tsk tsk!
First two weeks of duty is in the Philippine Orthopedic Center...wonder what'll happen there.
The first two weeks of my sembreak was spent practicing with the Nursing Chorale for the competition on Dec. 9. and i'm quite disappointed with myself because i can't seem to calm myself down when i sing alone...ugh! i know the tune well, except for a couple of parts, and can sing the piece accdg to my voice range...but that's when i'm singing with the other altos. when i have my solo flight, i suddenly get my nerves racked and end up singing out of tune! that's my frustration! i'm just not used to someone listening to me so intently. it makes me think that i have to do it right (which is necessary)...leading to my being so conscious that i end up doing it wrong. see the problem? ugh! i know what to do but my nerves get the better of me... wut shud i do? any suggestions? i really want that attitude of mine gone...
I WANNA HAVE MY CONFIDENCE BACK! --- u know, this flaw of mine always makes me think...do i deserve that spot in the nursing chorale? baka naman nagkamali lang si Kuya?
i'm trying and giving the best i can...but WHY???? i can't seem to shake those jitters off!
i started speaking in public when i was in high school. i became the emcee in a number of programs...why, i was even forced to join the declamation contest (mind you, i got to compete in the grandfinals.)! but ever since i stepped into college, i've become this introvert again...someone who can't even speak calmly in front of the class... what's happened to me?
i am so disappointed with myself right now...overly disappointed. i know i should get over it and just continue practicing...but what good will it do when i get so nervous on the spot and eventually forget everything i've practiced?
i feel lyk crying...it's such a petty thing, i know. and if i were sum other person reading this entry, i'd have thought, "pathetic!" or "get over it" or "don't lose hope." but man! when ur in my shoes, u'll understand. i'm in a prison and i know that i have the key to unlock it and free myself. but i don't think i've got the energy in me or even the drive to use that key...that's how i feel now...utterly disappointed and hopeless...
btw, i made it in the list again...thank goodness...one thing to be happy about... | 
You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!